Wedding RSVP Wording: Examples, Deadlines and Polite Reminders

An RSVP card has one job: get you a number you can hand to the caterer. So keep it short. Say who is invited, give a reply-by date three to four weeks before the wedding, and ask only what the kitchen needs to know. This page is mostly wording you can lift as it is, with the deadline maths first and a plan for the inevitable stragglers at the end.

Pick the date before you write a word

Etiquette and your contracts give slightly different answers, and the contracts win.

The etiquette version: the Emily Post Institute puts the reply-by date two to three weeks before the wedding, enough to follow up and give vendors a firm head count. Our view is that a week more is kinder to you. Twelve missing replies never take as long to chase as you hope. They take longer.

The contract version, which is the one to actually use:

1. Find the earliest "final numbers" date in your venue and caterer contracts. Two weeks before the wedding is common. Some want a month, a few are happy with a week.
2. Count back 10 to 14 days. That gap is for chasing. Paperlust's guide to RSVP deadlines treats 10 days as the floor for a guest list under 100 and recommends two weeks for anything larger.
3. Print that date. And plan to send your count a couple of days before the venue's cutoff, not at 9 a.m. on the day.

The invitation window comes from Emily Post's wedding planning timeline, which has invitations going out six to eight weeks ahead. Destination weddings get more slack: Paperlust's six-to-eight-week reply deadline allows for flights, booking time off and, for some guests, a visa. Most stationers suggest mailing those invitations about three months out.

Four questions, no more

Every line on the card is one more reason for a guest to put it on the fridge and forget it. We'd stop at four:

• Is each named person coming? One tick per person, not one for the household. Otherwise "yes" from a family of four might mean two.
• Which main course? Only if dinner is plated and there's a choice.
• Any allergies or dietary needs? Your caterer will ask for this list anyway.
• What's your guest's name? Only if you offered a plus-one. You'll need it for the place card.

A song request or a "note to the couple" line is a nice extra if there's room. Hotel blocks, dress code and parking are not RSVP questions at all. They belong on your wedding website.

The wording library

Copy, change the names and date, print. Every example assumes a Saturday, June 12, 2027 wedding with replies due Friday, May 14.

Formal

Formal reply cards usually open with a printed "M" so guests can complete it as "r. and Mrs. Bailey". The traditional request line is "The favor of your reply is requested by", then the date, often written out in words.

Write the number of seats in by hand before mailing. "We have reserved 2 seats in your honor" tells the Baileys their teenagers aren't on the list, and nobody has to say so.

Relaxed

Backyard parties, brewery receptions, second weddings:

A word on jokes. "No reply means no dessert" gets a laugh from your college roommates and a raised eyebrow from your great-aunt. If the card goes to both, leave it out.

Online

If guests reply online, the printed invitation just needs the where and the when:

And for an emailed invitation with a personal link:

Online replies cost nothing to send, nobody types them into a spreadsheet, and you see each one as it lands. Plenty of couples mix the two: paper invitation, online reply. BrideSpark's free online RSVP works that way. Each guest gets a personal link to their household's reply, and attendance, meals, allergies and plus-ones go straight into your guest list, without guests creating an account.

Plus-ones, and the lack of them

When someone is bringing a guest:

When someone isn't, the envelope does most of the work: address it to them alone and write "1 seat reserved" on the card. If they ask, answer briefly and warmly:

Adults only

Say it on the website and, if you like, on the reply card. Not on the invitation itself, where it tends to read as a scolding.

Children welcome

Then ask what you'll need to know:

Kids' meals are often priced separately, which is why the ages matter.

Meals and allergies

Name the dish, not just the protein. "Chicken" tells a guest with a nut allergy nothing.

Buffet or family-style? Drop the meal question and keep the allergy one.

The two weeks after the deadline

Somebody will forget. At every wedding, every time, and it almost never means they don't care. Here's how the chase usually goes, starting the morning after the deadline.

Day 1: the group nudge

Send it only to the people who haven't answered. In BrideSpark that's a single button, and guests who already replied don't get pestered.

Day 4: the personal text

Day 7: pick up the phone

It sounds old-fashioned. It works. Emily Post has long held that a host ringing a friend to ask whether they're coming is entirely proper. With a big list, split the calls: each parent or a member of the wedding party phones their own side.

Day 10: the kind no

No answer by now? Decide, and tell them. Most couples count silence as a decline:

You're allowed to be irritated. Just keep it out of the message. You'll know these people long after the last song.

One wedding, worked through

Here is the whole calendar for that June 12, 2027 wedding, assuming the venue wants final numbers two weeks out:

If you're still building the list itself, start with how to make a wedding guest list. Once the replies are in, how to make a wedding seating chart picks up from there.

Frequently asked questions

How far before the wedding should the RSVP deadline be?

Three to four weeks before a local wedding is a safe default, six to eight weeks for a destination wedding. What matters most is that it lands at least 10 days before your venue or caterer needs final numbers.

What should a wedding RSVP card say?

A reply-by date, a line for names, accept and decline options, and, only if you need them, a meal choice and a space for dietary needs. Add your website address if guests can reply online.

Is it rude to put "adults only" on the RSVP card?

No, if it's worded kindly. The reply card and your website are the right places. Keep it off the main invitation, and address invitations only to the people who are invited.

What do I do if guests RSVP for people who weren't invited?

Get in touch privately, and soon. "We're so sorry for the confusion, but we can only host the people named on the invitation" is clear and polite. Every day you wait makes the conversation harder.

Should I send a reminder before the RSVP deadline?

One short reminder about a week ahead helps, especially with online RSVPs that can sink in an inbox. Send it only to the guests who haven't replied.

Can guests RSVP by text or email instead of a card?

Yes. Many couples now print "Kindly reply by May 14 at [website]" or give an email address and phone number. However replies arrive, keep them all in one place so your count is right.